New Teeth and Battles in Toddlerland

Dear Boston,

I love you sweetheart! I'm worried about you this morning because it was really stormy last night while we were all trying to sleep. The windows kept rattling and the wind was howling. I kept thinking I would hear you wake up crying time and time again, but you didn't. I hope you weren't tossing and turning like Daddy and I were. I never want you to be scared and I always want you to get the precious rest you need.

You've had troubles sleeping lately and I actually stormed into your room and yelled at you the other night and for that I am so so so sorry. I have never really yelled at you before, I was just so exhausted and frustrated. I don't know if you are having nightmares or what, but I just want you to sleep so you'll be happy and can play. Please forgive me for loosing my temper. I'll try so hard not to do it again and I will make you a PROMISE that I will never spank you. Daddy and I don't believe in that and we never want you to think that it's ok to hit because it's not!

Yesterday was a hard day. Your two top molars are poking through, and you have a double eye infection... you were miserable. Grandma and Grandpa Cash came up to visit for the weekend. We went to church, but you were too scared to go to nursery by yourself. (I don't blame you, the teachers aren't very friendly!!) Grammy and I stayed with you and then we went home early. You had a really rough night on Saturday night and you were sooooo tired. You felt right asleep on Daddy's shoulder as he carried you in. (You never do that!) You took a nap before you even ate lunch, then you woke up so upset and we wanted so much to bring you comfort. Daddy finally got you to fall back asleep on his shoulder. We usually like you to fall asleep on your own, and really you know no other way, but we could tell you just didn't feel good. All you wanted to do was snuggle and color all day. You hardly ate a thing, which always makes me worry but I know you'll be okay. We watched "The Tigger Movie" for the first time and you laughed so sweetly.

Uncle CJ and his friend Kate came over last night and even though you were shy at first you were so cute showing off your "choo choo" train sound and airplane sound. You know and point to your eyes and your nose and you know what the cow, sheep, and doggie say. You are so smart! You are also fasinated by your belly as well as Mom's these days! I worry about the little baby growing in my tummy and I hope so much that you will love your little brother or sister and I want you to know I will always love you just as much as ever.

President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away last night. It makes me sad that you will never know him because he was such a funny, charitable, compassionate, and accepting man. I've been struggling with religion a lot lately. I was born Mormon and I feel as if its just been passed to me instead of me learning to believe or disbelive it for myself. I feel like if I wasn't Mormon I wouldn't be accepted in our community. I NEVER want you to feel that way. I want you to make choices for yourself and I want you to know that I will always LOVE you know matter what you decide you believe in. I want you to be kind and good to other people and animals, I want you to love yourself and achieve your dreams but I don't care if you believe exactly as I do or anyone else. I want to figure this out though in my heart so I can tell you I stand for something. President Hinckley was a wonderful man though no matter what religious background you come from and I hope to tell you about him someday.

Boston, I know it is normal for kids your age to have "separation anxiety" but I just want you to know that I will always be there for you and I never want you to be scared. I was shy like you as a kid and it was so hard for me. I had a hard time making friends and worried when my parents left all the time. I want you to know that I will be there whenever I can be, but there will be times that I have to leave your side and there will be times that I have to give you a little nudge into this big world but I will always come back and I will be there in an instant if you ever really need me.

I am trying to work out this work thing because I HATE leaving you in the morning. I want to make some money and I realize I do need some "Me" time but I don't like leaving you. I hope I can be successful at doing voice-work from home because I want to help out Daddy and I want you to be proud of me. Most of all I want to be the best Mommy to you that I know how to be.

Love you Forever
xoxoxoxo
Mommy